Why You Feel Anxious Around Certain People at Work:

From Marmite to Meltdowns: How Projective Identification Ruins Teams

Aug 13, 2025

person sitting in a chair in front of a man — Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

You’re a junior member of staff. You wake up with a knot in your stomach. On the way in, you keep replaying yesterday’s sarcastic remark, the raised eyebrow, the slow shake of the head. Your chest feels heavy, your shoulders tight. They’re polite to you on the surface, even friendly, but they have a knack for letting you know, in small, unmistakable ways, that you’re not quite good enough.

This is how an intern felt when asked to make toast for Naga Munchetty, one of the BBC’s most recognisable news presenters, co-hosting its flagship morning programme, BBC Breakfast.

The Daily Telegraph recently reported that Munchetty “went ballistic” at an intern over how Marmite had been put on her toast. According to reports, the toast itself also wasn’t quite right: she wanted it slightly burnt, but not too burnt. Imagine the impossible precision of getting that “just right” under pressure. Other claims include complaints that her porridge had been made incorrectly and snapping at colleagues in front of others. Much of the time, she could be perfectly pleasant and polite. At the same time though, in small, unmistakable ways, she allegedly signalled that those around her were not quite good enough.

“Naga Munchetty likes her toast made just so when she presents BBC Breakfast. “It needed to be a little bit burnt, but not too much. And if you didn’t get it right, she would never shout at you, but she would act as if it was a really stupid mistake to make,” one former subordinate, who used to be tasked with fuelling the presenter, tells me. “[Instead] she would be like, ‘Oh, they can’t get the toast right, they can’t do anything.’” (The Telegraph, 12 August 20251)

These kinds of subtle cues (a sarcastic remark, a raised eyebrow, an exasperated sigh) are exactly how one person’s lack of confidence, or self-worth; their anxiety, frustration, or perfectionism can begin to infect others.

This process was first described in the mid 20th century by the psychoanalyst Melanie Klein. She called it projective identification2, a term now widely used to explain how people pass their feelings on to others.

What is projective identification?

Here’s an everyday example:

You’re driving the car with someone who’s a nervous passenger. They continually warn you of the road's peril, pretending to apply imaginary brakes and gasping in response to nothing. Before long, your confidence as a driver begins to erode, causing you to feel tense and hesitant, even if you were previously fine.

They have transferred their anxiety onto you, and now you are acting precisely as they feared you would.

Projective identification is a defence mechanism where someone unconsciously passes unwanted emotions, such as shame, anger, frustration, or not feeling good enough, to another person. They then treat that person as if those feelings genuinely belong to them. This can happen through words, tone of voice, facial expressions, timing of remarks, or even body language.

The ‘projector,’ at some level, feels not good enough or incompetent but cannot admit that to themselves; they may locate that feeling in the other person. Without realising it, the recipient starts to feel incompetent, as if they can’t do anything right, even though their behaviour is fine and nothing has been said outright. It's hard to see and stop because it's an unconscious process in both people.

The cycle repeats because the projected feelings shape behaviour, which in turn confirms the original belief.

How to spot projective identification at work

This is a familiar dynamic in most workplaces. And when the person doing it has authority, the effect doesn’t stop with one exchange. It ripples out until the whole workplace feels tense, cautious, and risk-averse.

You might be experiencing it if:

You feel emotions around someone that don’t match the situation — sudden anxiety, hesitation, or defensiveness
Minor interactions leave you unusually flustered or self-conscious
You start behaving out of character: second-guessing yourself, avoiding decisions, or holding back ideas
Feedback feels personal or undermining rather than genuinely constructive
The same tense, critical dynamic seems to follow them with different people
Non-verbal signals like raised eyebrows, sighs, smirks, folded arms, head tilts, silences, or slow movements that leave you feeling judged
A single change in their tone or expression can instantly change how you feel, even without words

Why this matters for leaders

Naga Munchetty has a high profile and is highly paid, which often means bad behaviour is more likely to be overlooked.

The tension gets worse when she clashes with someone else who also sees themselves as important. Senior egos collide, and the strain rolls downhill.

For people lower down, it’s exhausting. Constant low-level criticism chips away at confidence and motivation. You stop taking initiative. You keep your head down. Success becomes about avoiding being the next target, not doing your best work.

Once it’s labelled as bullying, it stops being “just a bad day” and turns into an organisational crisis:

Reputational damage: headlines, social media, loss of credibility
Internal investigations: draining time, energy, and resources
Potential legal action: grievances, tribunals, costly settlements
Team damage: high performers leave, morale collapses, culture turns toxic

Over time, the leader of the team shapes the emotional climate for everyone involved. If they radiate pressure, the team feels pressured. If they drip-feed low-level criticism, the team becomes self-doubting and risk-averse. The more powerful the person, the stronger the effect, and the less likely anyone will challenge it.

The leadership takeaway

Projective identification can quietly turn one person’s stress into an entire team’s culture.

Leaders need the self-awareness to recognise when their emotions are leaking into the team, and the systems to process pressure without projecting it.
Because no one should dread going to work over something as small as a slice of toast.

Changing a team’s culture isn’t just about new processes; it means addressing psychological mechanisms like projective identification, where one person’s anxiety or criticism spreads to everyone else. A focused workshop can help teams spot these patterns, break the cycle, and replace them with trust and confidence.

Get in touch to book a workshop that will help your team identify these patterns, stop them, and build a healthier culture.

The Iceberg - Mike Drayton

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